Life Lessons

2015: The Year I Gave Up

unnamedWhile the New Year naturally prompts making resolutions, goals or loathing them, in 2015 I took it a step further and adopted a theme. I declared this would be the year I gave up! Let me explain….

I have to live in faith. Not the Christian-ese kind. You know the one that answers “I’m blessed and highly favored, God is good all the time,” when someone simply asks how you’re doing. I live with the faith that my dreams will come true and the desires of my heart will EVENTUALLY be fulfilled (hopefully sooner than later). I literally live in the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). Let me tell you, it was EXHAUSTING! It’s the understanding that you’re on a journey and your current situation is just a stop and not the destination. It’s knowing that you sometimes have to do what you have to do, to go to where you want to go. It’s becoming an expert in delayed gratification. It’s having an explanation for the “are you crazy” eyebrow raises. It’s knowing you could easily make things MUCH easier in an instant at the expense of following your destiny. It’s looking around and seeing everyone else get their breakthrough while waiting…and waiting for your own.

But this year I gave up! I felt like a hamster in a wheel and I just wanted it to stop. I realized there are years of my life I really don’t remember. I may remember a thing here, or a thing there but at the end of the year I couldn’t remember what happened. I don’t really remember my second year in Georgia. I only remember a little bit of my nine months back home. I remember things here and there about living in Charlotte and there I was, living in Nashville physically but always somewhere else in my mind. I was never present! Everything was just a means to a hopeful, faithful end. I was just existing for what was next and that needed to stop.

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“Dorothy… You’re Not In Kansas Anymore”

My first alarm sounds at 5:57 am. Bleary eyed I press snooze before another one goes off at 6, then 6:05. I always set multiple alarms on two phones because I kind of have a problem getting up. I mean the early wake up call is jarring to anyone who didn’t come home from work until after midnight. And the anticipated sleep deprivation subconsciously jacked up my dreams.

It’s Tuesday and it’s the start of my unexpected three day “weekend.” So I’m headed home to Maryland. I made the decision and bought my train ticket less than twenty-four hours before, text a few friends and family and spent about twenty minutes total between Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning packing a duffle bag. THIS is my new reality.

I didn’t just get a new job in Philadelphia, I got a new life!

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