Blog Archives

Still Here…

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog. I’ve tried to sit down and write but nothing has come out right. This may be no different. I’ve been processing so much. I like to write about things that are finished; lessons learned. But this year has been one big stream of consciousness. In fact, I just got home after emceeing a wonderful event. I threw on my big red robe that my grandmother gave me, just so you know what type of oversized swath of wonderfulness it is. My make up is worn off. I replaced my high heels with oversized Marriott resort slippers. I’m eating curry, rice and peas that my mother made as I sit at my kitchen island trying to process this fantastic night and how it fits into this wonderfully purposeful year. I did not specifically ask for any of it. But I willed the hell out of it my way.

You see six months ago I quietly declared to myself that this is not the year where I would merely react to my circumstances. I wasn’t going to stay on defense. That was SOOOO 2016! I knew that while my circumstances may not change, I certainly had to. This was the year that I would become proactive. This is the year that I would make things happen for myself. This was not the year to hope and dream. This was the year to work harder than I ever had before. I’m not even talking about news. I’m talking about life. Please believe the devil is BUSY. No red carpet has ever been rolled out for this chick. But my level of unbotheredness is so high, I am physically unable to process anything that doesn’t align with who I know myself to be or where I know I’m going.

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2015: The Year I Gave Up

unnamedWhile the New Year naturally prompts making resolutions, goals or loathing them, in 2015 I took it a step further and adopted a theme. I declared this would be the year I gave up! Let me explain….

I have to live in faith. Not the Christian-ese kind. You know the one that answers “I’m blessed and highly favored, God is good all the time,” when someone simply asks how you’re doing. I live with the faith that my dreams will come true and the desires of my heart will EVENTUALLY be fulfilled (hopefully sooner than later). I literally live in the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). Let me tell you, it was EXHAUSTING! It’s the understanding that you’re on a journey and your current situation is just a stop and not the destination. It’s knowing that you sometimes have to do what you have to do, to go to where you want to go. It’s becoming an expert in delayed gratification. It’s having an explanation for the “are you crazy” eyebrow raises. It’s knowing you could easily make things MUCH easier in an instant at the expense of following your destiny. It’s looking around and seeing everyone else get their breakthrough while waiting…and waiting for your own.

But this year I gave up! I felt like a hamster in a wheel and I just wanted it to stop. I realized there are years of my life I really don’t remember. I may remember a thing here, or a thing there but at the end of the year I couldn’t remember what happened. I don’t really remember my second year in Georgia. I only remember a little bit of my nine months back home. I remember things here and there about living in Charlotte and there I was, living in Nashville physically but always somewhere else in my mind. I was never present! Everything was just a means to a hopeful, faithful end. I was just existing for what was next and that needed to stop.

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“Dorothy… You’re Not In Kansas Anymore”

My first alarm sounds at 5:57 am. Bleary eyed I press snooze before another one goes off at 6, then 6:05. I always set multiple alarms on two phones because I kind of have a problem getting up. I mean the early wake up call is jarring to anyone who didn’t come home from work until after midnight. And the anticipated sleep deprivation subconsciously jacked up my dreams.

It’s Tuesday and it’s the start of my unexpected three day “weekend.” So I’m headed home to Maryland. I made the decision and bought my train ticket less than twenty-four hours before, text a few friends and family and spent about twenty minutes total between Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning packing a duffle bag. THIS is my new reality.

I didn’t just get a new job in Philadelphia, I got a new life!

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With Gratitude

It’s easy to think that you’re walking through this life alone. Especially when things are uncertain, get hard and you live in a city that’s thousands of miles from family. (Not to mention being single.) But lately I’ve been overwhelmed with reminders that I am LOVED SO WELL!

I had surgery last week and I’m confined to my apartment for at least two weeks. My mom flew in to literally wait on me and hand foot. Friends have stopped by just to keep me company, bringing my mom food and me a goody bag to help pass the time. I’ve received two beautiful bouquets of flowers and get daily text messages from friends and family across the country just checking on my progress.


I’m not one to ever ask for help, in fact it’s uncomfortable. (I’m fine by the way!) But this moment reminds me that my life is only filled with AMAZING, SUPPORTIVE, GIVING, SELFLESS, and LOVING people! I recognize it’s a gift that I don’t take for granted.

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it, but I’m overwhelmed and so incredibly grateful!

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